A Word About Lying

Why Truth Gives You Better Mileage

by Roland Kriewaldt

We've all met that kind of person who can be caught with *Nutella smeared all over their face yet still deny having eaten it. "I never touched your Nutella, man! I swear." (Liar!)

Years ago I had a girlfriend who would lie right to my face, and when the truth did come out, it always hurt like hell. Her lies weren't about Nutella though, but I wished they had been. Yet through the pain of her disrespectful and insulting behaviour I began to question my own. It helped me realize how lying undermines the intimacy and trust in our relationships. It was a valuable lesson.

Blame it on my imagination, but I've always been a good liar. Lying is a convenient way to avoid conseqences or to get something that we want, whether it's sex, money, or attention. I had no awareness of the damage lying could do since life was all about me back then. I catered to my own happiness and survival, not other people's. I did have limits to bad behaviour, but I didn't mind a little deception if it got the job done. (And I know that I'm not the only one, right?)

The experience with my girlfriend didn't stop me from lying, but it did teach me about the consequences. As for our relationship, we may have wound up married, perhaps even happily. But instead, those lies created a wall of distrust between us that became too high for my love to scale. And like salt on an open wound, our relationship ended with more lies. It was an obvious sign: "no U turns!"

About a year later I had an epiphany that made me aware of the damage that lying can do, and so I shunned lying altogether. Well, almost. Since then, I believe that I have exaggerated twice (once to a salesman, so that may not even count!). The truth has become the larger part of my personal equation. And for the most part, the correction has been made. The main thing is that I'm now aware that every time I speak out or write I'm making a conscious ethical decision based upon my values and integrity.

The truth is practical, too. I once read that if you lie, you have more to remember. First, you have to remember the truth, and then you have to remember how you twisted it. And if you're caught in that first lie, you may have to tell another lie to mask it. What I've realized is that telling the truth adds far more value to my life than any lie could. Truth is effortless, being trustworthy, priceless.

Life becomes easier, too. If you don't like something, I'm not going to lie to make you like it more. I retain my integrity, and you retain your opinion as well as your respect for my integrity. If you don't want to hear what I have to say, I'm not going to change what I say just to have you listen to me. I will find the right ears to hear it. If you don't love me, I won't lie to myself and become something I'm not just to have you around. I will find the right person for me, the one that I'm meant to be with...someone with whom I can be true to myself. Same goes for my friends and family. Truth, please.

See how it works? Truth empowers us. It makes us more of who we are. Truth allows us to exist completely in the world, not just in fragments that are acceptable to others. Truth doesn't ask us to hide but reveal ourselves in full, radiant color.

So come on out, I know you're in there, bursting to tell it like it is. And if your account of reality doesn't require an effort to remember, then you're speaking your truth. That's you at your very best.

Oh, and one more thing: I really would like you to buy my book, Reality Check. That's no lie!