Have a Merry, Stressful Christmas

Why People May Feel Crappy Instead Of Happy

by Roland Kriewaldt

News reporters have a habit of making statements while forgetting to tell us "why" things are as they claim them to be. Maybe I can help. Around every Christmas we'll hear reports in the media about what a "stressful" time of year it is for many people. Here's why.

The Stress of Giving

It is by far a more natural impulse to take from people than it is to give to them. In the wild, adult pack animals don't show much consideration for sharing the kill, let alone adopting proper table manners. There's only growling and biting as everyone is left to fend and feast for themselves. It's survival through selfishness.

Sharing in the wild occurs only when the young are being raised, and it's usually the mother who does the giving (surprise!). This is also why men are more stressed than women, since they are biologically wired for selfishness.

The mandate of the biological male is to distribute their genetics amidst a sea of countless rivals, and one doesn't get to the head of the line by letting others get ahead of them. Retracting this impulse is difficult enough, but being judged for our ability to give through the positive or negative reactions that our "gifts" receive from others can be a highly stressful event. Like doing a school exam without having studied.

Christmas goes almost exactly against what our animalistic, biological survival patterns have taught us, namely that the strong survive, and the weak are defeated. When we think of strength, we think in terms of money and belongings - the power of capital and commerce. It is therefore a path to defeat and weakness to surrender our money in the name of making someone else stronger. It may be an altruistic ideal and a generous gesture of the soul, but it goes against our biology, which is why it is stressful to spend an entire day or more, looking for things to make others stronger by weakening our own resources.

The Stress of Family Life

Throughout the rest of the year, we may do everything we can to avoid certain members of our family. It could be anything from a personality conflict to the fact that the person may have harmed us physically, emotionally or even sexually in the past. Christmas, with its demands for bringing the family together to celebrate kindness and charity creates an artificial atmosphere of tolerance for those who we otherwise won't tolerate.

We feel "wrong" perhaps and even guilty for feeling as we do when the commercials and the churches tell us to "love one another, brothers and sisters!" (and buy something, for god's sake!) but this is not something that can be turned on and off like an internal switch. The best we can do under such circumstances is to fake it. And that, too, is stressful.

The Stress of Being Alone or Abandoned

A friend once cried to me over the phone about being alone at Christmas. This person's parents had both died in separate yet tragic events years before. My friend, who is still a relatively young person, was left now to focus on what they don't have, which is a family to share Christmas with.

As we develop spiritually, we begin to recognize that our own suffering is eased by lessening the suffering of others. It's a bit of a revelation, considering that most of the time we're trying to feed our own hunger. But until then, Christmas may only be a highlighting of how unfair it is that others have families to surround them at this "joyous" time of year while we have no one, or so we think.

Many are alone at Christmas. We may separate from our family to avoid emotional suffering, or prevent others from doing so because of our circumstances. Loneliness can hide beneath our emotional radar throughout the year, but when our busy, distracted lives come to a halt, we have time to reflect and feel emotions that aren't fashionable during the Christmas holidays. But that's life...

Having said all that, I must remind everyone that the purpose of this holiday has nothing to do with presents or family. This has to do with stepping out of our own selfish nature and our own life dramas and focusing upon the joy of others for a change. And that is a truly worthwhile event, no matter who we have to thank for it, whether Jesus Christ, Pagans, Santa Claus, or the credit card companies.

Either way, have a great Christmas, Hanukah and/or Whatever Season, and enjoy your much-deserved rest from work. Breathe it in, it's good for you. Ho, ho, ho.