My Big Fat Ego - by Roland Kriewaldt
Helpful Tips For A Tragic, Lonely Life.
My Big Fat Ego - Back Story
With the writer's strike on, there's a decrease in "chain letter lists" for people to send around the internet. I want to help.
Here's a list I began compiling in 2005 based upon social rules that others have tried unsuccessfully to push on me. I reject this kind of thinking as bunk and maybe that's why I'm generally a happy person, and they're not.
You can also download and print the list to hang up in your office or at home. You know...as sort of a hint to let others know that you're not buying it. Just give me credit for it, you know...for my ego's sake. And now, without further ado.
MY BIG FAT EGO
Helpful Tips For a Tragic, Lonely Life.
- In any disagreement, the other person is always wrong.
- In any wrongdoing, the other person is always to blame.
- When afraid or under stress, lash out angrily at others.
- Never apologize — just pretend that it's forgotten. Never say "thank you" — it makes you look helpless and dependent.
- Never listen to accusations. Put your enemy on the defensive; distract them with insults and character assassinations.
- Don't volunteer. Life is a transaction. All your efforts must be rewarded. Buy gifts that suit your needs and tastes.
- You are better than everyone else, even when you do nothing. Let others work hard to impress you.
- Everything you say is logical, especially when yelled in anger. The other person is the idiot who refuses to listen to reason.
- When losing an argument, insult your opponent to undermine their confidence. Use words such as "idiot" and "loser" to make yourself appear the smart and obvious winner.
- Use fear to control others; courtesy and kindness are signs of weakness. Practice smiling until it appears natural.
- Take no interest in the lives of others but brag about your own. Associate with successful people to create the impression that you are too. When borrowing money, always refer to it as "an investment." Value people for their assets.
- Complain to avoid solving problems. Make no effort to improve yourself but continue to suggest improvements to others.
- Don't change; you are perfect.
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