Is Radio Playing Classic Britney Yet?

Edition #93 —May 2, 2007.

During my news reading ritual this morning, I learned that Britney Spears had performed a surprise gig at some night club recently. "Who cares?" I thought. Well, some people obviously do. And to me she's a symptom of our culture, so that's why I'm going to go with this theme.

Who cares? Well, there's the Jerry Springer demographic. This legion of media vampires loves to drink the blood of other people's dysfunction to elevate their own sense of worth (or to confirm that others wallow in the same mud wrestling pit as they do...). They want to see Britney fail because she's pretty and popular. Such people typically lack the talent, vision and courage to put themselves in the center ring but are life's loudest critics. They'll pay to see circus freaks and buy sports videos for the fights and injuries. They condemn books they've never read, and spend their petty lives watching tv on old, stained couches while eating McDonalds. In other words, advertisers love them.

Then there are Britney's original fans. Most are waxing their newly-sprouted pubes by now and would rather not be reminded of the kind of pop culture trappings they were lured into when they were eleven: Barbie, Britney, Paris, Disney, and McDonalds Happy Meals. They've moved onto Big Macs and vomitting by now to keep up with their friends at school. It might be a hard sell getting anyone of them to look back upon the good old days when Britney was a mythical virgin princess they aspired to become. After all, look at all the frogs she's kissed, and still no prince...

Hmmm... Better Songs, Or A Better Body?

So what happens to a Britney? Her bread is buttered by the naivete of kids who can't tell the difference between talent and good advertising. It's not quite the same marketing problem as, say, the Eagles or Queen would have selling themselves in 2007.

If you go back to listen to albums from the seventies you'll notice that song-writing and musicianship were fundamental to being a credible star - even KISS couldn't get by on their makeup and flash pots alone. When they put out a bad record, everyone over the age of 12 stopped buying. That's how it's supposed to work.

But today it seems to be more about the stage show than the talent of the performers, or the music itself. Like some cheesy theme park musical revue. The dead giveaway is that live shows used to feature a band playing live, and special effects were used for drama. Now we see someone lip syncing surrounded by 20 gyrating dancers who wear as little as possible to distract us from the quality of the product. Today, the effects are the show, and the entertainer an afterthought. Packaging is what's for sale.

But a bad chocolate bar can't hide itself in a pretty wrapper. Word gets around and pretty soon, you're either selling because you're good, or you're in the bargain bin at 7-11 at 3 for $1.00.

Buying And Selling Sh**

This also addresses another article I read about the continuing decline of CD sales by the big record companies. They blame illegal downloading of hit albums. I blame lousy artists. A couple of years ago I downloaded some "illegal" music. Mostly albums I can no longer buy because the shelves are full of Britney, Christina, and the Karaoke singers from American Idol. I wasn't cutting into anyone's bottom line, especially since record companies are notorious for not paying royalties to their artists anyway.

It's ironic, really, that record companies use that "save the poor artist" guilt pitch to protect their racket when they themselves don't mind abusing the talent. There are a lot of poor famous artists around today still waiting for their first royalty cheque. It's like Muhammed Ali said back when he refused to go to Vietnam: Why should he fight for a country that won't fight for him? And so, why should we shed tears over record companies that abuse the people who make them rich? Boo hoo. Eat this, parasites!!!

Um, where was I? Oh yeah. Listening to those older recordings made me realize what a farce much of today's music is. Yes, it's a lot louder now, with more bass and drums, and you can dance to most of it. But these aren't a necessity, as any classic Rush fan can tell you. We'll take Xanadu and La Villa Strangiato over pics of Britney's exposed privates any day.

So the question remains, can this now openly dysfunctional former pop princess rebrand, repackage and resell her tainted "pop mystery wares" to a new generation of fans? Does she have any clout left after all those bad marriages, baby seat blunders, vagina monologues with Paris Hilton, a recent head shaving and some obvious emotional imbalances whose cause is unknown?

Yes, of course. They re-elected George Bush, didn't they?



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