March Is Reality Check Buffet Month

Edition # 79; March 14, 2006.

This month's newsletter is a mixed bag of images, thoughts and poetry. I hope it lessens your burden of having to figure out this crazy wilderness called life by yourself. Let's start with a little political wake-up collage I created:




Moving right along...

Working on my book this past week opened up some poetic floodgates as well. I wanted to share some lyrics with you for a song I'm working on.


Writing On The Wall

Well first we live and then we die
And somewhere in between there's a reason why
We all want love and room to dance
We want our freedom and a fighting chance.

But pardon me, have you been outside
There's a thick brown haze over the countryside
And all the water tastes like plastic and chlorine
Our food is full of toxins
And our cows are getting mean

I don't want any trouble so I'll be on my way
But I hope you all remember the things I've had to say
If there's a reason that we live and die
Then surely it can't be suicide.
© 2006 Roland Kriewaldt


Pretty cheery, huh? Don't worry, you can dance to it. Don't know where it came from though. All my other songs are about scoring chicks and drinking beer.

Burning For Mohammed (Blessed Be His Name)

My friend Ben asked me to write a commentary about the Muslim Cartoon Incident. Okay Ben, you're on.

If we are a BELIEVER in Islam, then we must not depict Mohammed in a cartoon. If we are a NON-BELIEVER, then we don't share the same obligation since we are not joining Islam nor accepting its rules of conduct as our own. This is what freedom of choice affords us — to not serve another's master, especially under threat of a BELIEVER's violence.

Yes, the Danish cartoonist may have been unsympathetic to BELIEVERs, but he did what anyone with freedom to express his opinions does when institutions, religious or political, become too rigid and oppressive — he parodies them. Like my Comical Ali collage above.

Muslims must not be insulted by a man who chooses not to take part in their beliefs, or have his thoughts and behaviours controlled by them. The NONBELIEVER should be free to do as he wishes just as Muslims are free to remain under the strict control of their religion and Christians, Jews and Buddhists theirs.

No universal moral law was broken, except perhaps doing worse unto others than we would have done unto ourselves. If drawing a caricature of Muhammed is punishable by burning a country's embassy and flags, then surely such an act of revenge is punishable by even greater retaliation. Those who anger too quickly and use violence to show their discontent should be glad that the rest of us don't. It could get ugly and nuclear.

Anyone who uses violence in an attempt to control others demonstrates a lack of grace, whether in the eyes of Muhammed (blessed be his name!) or any other deity we aim to please with our good behaviour. Religion should make us BETTER people, not BITTER people. We are turning the notions of love, peace and forgiveness into cartoon caricatures of their own. And that leaves me feeling insulted. Quick — where's my flamethrower?

O:)> Here's a Mohammed smiley for you. Now let's be friends.

Who Visits Realitycheckers.com And Why?

Every day people visit my website, realitycheckers.com. Most don't know me and have never heard of me. They find my work through search engines such as Google, etc. If an article I have written contains some or all of the words they're looking for, then they wind up at my website.

Needless to say, the people who arrive here don't always know what they're in for. They're expecting this and I give them that. It's the same for me, I'm expecting the enlightened masses seeking information to assist their spiritual development. We're all a little disappointed at times, I'm sure.

But that's no reason to frown. After all, it means those who never would have thought to come here wind up seeing my work. My visitor durations — the time people spend at my website — have been dramatically increasing. Last month over 8% of visitors spent more than 15 minutes and up to an hour here. That's a good sign considering how fast we usually flip from site to site. But back to the searches.

I enjoy reading what visitors are searching for before they wind up here. I've listed some of the funnier search entries from February and added some smartass comments because I can't live without them. Together, I'll try to pass them off as the rest of my March newsletter. Hope you enjoy it. NOTE: Search terms are bold green text, my comments are below them.

"free gay quit smoking newsletter"
Is there a gay method to quit smoking? Is it better than the one straight people use? I'm lost. You too?

"did face transplant woman smoke afterward"
I don't know, but I heard there's a gay face transplant clinic opening up.

"are men exploited in tv adverts"
If you consider it exploitation that male actors are paid to make false claims about their satisfaction with products they've never used, then the answer is a resounding "yes." Without lies and exploitation, there would be no tv.

"hurricane joke essay"
Sorry I can't help you. However, I could maybe write a piece about you finding your grandmother's corpse being consumed by starving dogs while you were out celebrating Mardi Gras. How's that's for funny?

"someone being lynched"
Well, I know "something" that's being lynched: Democracy!

"pop out boobs"
Wait your turn. This is something we're all looking for.

"mental resistance"
I don't know what you're talking about. This is crazy. You're all crazy. Who would look up a stupid thing like that? You people are mad.

"forehead pressure"
No, it's not the symptom of a man's first attempts at having a baby. This is a common symptom of a Kundalini Awakening, a spiritual experience that will change their lives forever. Then again, maybe they're having a baby by Forehead-section.

"brokeback ebook"
Splurge on the movie or the book, you cheapskate! It'll help those who created them. And what's wrong with my eBook?

"american idle winners"
I purposefully misspelled the show's title in my article to make a point about people who spend too much time watching others when they should be learning how to spell.

"earthlink-peoplepc-wssynd"
You got me. I have no idea. Your guess is as good as mine.

"boobs and bush"
Bush the president, or Bush the boob? Or did you want Pamela Anderson, or your mommy?

"kundalini rolls"
Best served hot from the oven with fresh butter, marmalade, and a slice of enlightenment on the side.

"mobutu sese seko quote"
How about "Send me your money you stupid, greedy jerk - I'm gonna rip you off!"

"blowjob newsletter e-mail -game"
I don't know, but where do I sign up?

"pencil hoarding"
You need to change your financial advisor, fast.

"shameful reality tv"
"That's easy: turn on your tv after 8pm. Any station will do."

"korg 01/w fd used"
I hope it's the guy who stole my keyboard looking for a replacement to give me for my birthday. Better late than never, a**hole.

"famous quotes junk food"
How about "I'll have a Party-Size Pizza, double cheese, and a Diet Coke."



Okay, thanks for letting me hop around in your brain. See you next month. Bye for now.
Roland Kriewaldt.



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