Holidays, Happy Or Not...

Edition #64 — December 26, 2004

I am an individual, with my own thoughts — and a few borrowed ones, I'm sure. I consider myself unique rather than part of some anonymous herd of humanity and I also think of myself as approaching emotional maturity sometime soon, I hope. Christmas time is always a good test of that maturity.

It's no coincidence that Christmas movies are typically about a bunch of completely incompatible and emotionally challenged individuals, like the Grizwalds, coming together for a feast. Collectively, we are referred to as "family". And here, for one day of the year, we pretend to get along as if the rest of the year, or reality, doesn't exist.

I suspect that the Holidays are an endurance test for all of us, no matter which particular festival we celebrate. Our respective cultures dictate that we suffer these otherwise unlikely gatherings in the name of love. That's a pretty vague term. Secondly, given the choice, some of us would likely rather not be there. Guilt and habit are some of the strongest influences in our decision making processes.

If it's not bad enough already to herd a bunch of dysfunctional adults together under one roof, the final holiday insult is to force them all to behave in a particular manner to which many are quite unaccustomed — to be kind, compassionate and openly generous.

This is just too much for many and that's when the fuses blow.

Giving? What Are You, Nuts?

Yes, it's a shame that we are force-fed this overly commercialized and emotionally hazardous time of year, especially when we have to fake it. That's right, we have to pretend that what's going on isn't really happening, and that giving comes as naturally to us as taking does. Luckily, come boxing day, we are once again free to return to our comfort zone of blaming, bitching, complaining, griping, moaning and accusing others of impeding our quest for happiness on whatever road we've chosen to travel...

As human beings, we all seek to be loved, valued and needed. Christmas is a good time to witness our many strategies for attaining these much coveted necessities of life. Some people try to please everybody; others brag about their achievements; some try to steal the limelight; others give excessively to show their affluence, or to compete with other givers. Others just get drunk cause that's what they do. Others draw attention with self pity, cause that's what they do.

Even in times of selflessness our true selfishness always comes through. Unless you are truly selfless, in which case you're a deity, and probably dead — so don't bother us right now. Otherwise, you're among the living who are trying to score a little love and happiness.

Troublemaker

My one great asset, and perhaps liability, is that I won't shut up when something is wrong. I was only 5 years old when I stood up in my German Kindergarten class to tell my Catholic nun teachers that some people didn't believe in the existence of a God. Put that kid into a 42 year old's body with language skills and attitude and you have me. One of my old bosses used to call me "troublemaker". But we still talk, 20 years later...

Given my history, when somebody screws with my Christmas out of selfishness, I'm gonna let them have it. And so I did. This year was definitely the poorest Christmas I've ever had, spiritually. It was Scrooged by someone who continues to act as though gift-giving was like donating an organ without anesthesia — to someone you hate. I thought it was incredibly selfish of them to derail other people's efforts at expressing generosity because they refused to express it themselves. Giving is a symbolic gesture, not an economic one. But some people are into measurements, and economics.

Most times we're completely oblivious of the affect we are having upon others — unless we're looking for an effect, especially if it's to our benefit. Last year I listened as several of my friends recounted their own disappointments and disillusionments with family members who took the air out of the festival balloon. Yesterday it was my turn to save ours from deflating. It didn't work.

Will it ever recover? I don't know. But there's hope: look what happened to Ebenezer Scrooge! But what the hell, let's try this whole selflessness thing again next year. We've got another 12 months of practice time to get it right.

Ho Ho Ho, Merry Christmas,
Roland Kriewaldt


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