Living The Dream, Pt. A

Edition #39 — 19 Dec 2002

Hello and welcome to my 39th Newsletter. Let's go!

Merrily (X4)... Life Is But A Dream

Today I'm living a longstanding dream of mine: to record my original music for an album. Details beyond this event are hazy, even meaningless perhaps, without my first completing this chapter of my life story. Sure, there will be new beginnings beyond the next finish line, but life's journey reveals only the immediate ground for our very next footstep or two, not much more. There's no breaking that sequence, and there aren't any shortcuts. Life's as easy as one-two-three — steps, that is, where personal progress is concerned. Obvious, simple and effective.

But let's face it, knowing too much in advance would kill the surprise and throw our attention onto yearning instead of learning. Or what if a truck hits me next week? Do I really wanna know that? Forget it. It's best to take it slow and steady, preserve the mystery and just be open to the grace of life's many potentials.

I'm reminded of a great line I read in Mark Baxter's book, The Rock & Roll Singer's Survival Guide that declares "The only opportunity that matters is the one you're prepared for!" Truer words have never been spoken. I wrote it out, stuck it on my wall. I'm driven now and this line keeps me on track.

Old Enough To Rock Some Rolls

Releasing a first album at my age may seem a little late for some. What realistic opportunities await a guy like me at 40 years of age? Sure, I can play and sing well, but that may not count. Today's marketers want a high "fuckability factor" in their artists — that blatant sexual motivator that links record sales — or any kind of sale really — with a buyer's desire to have sex with your product or whoever's standing in the vicinity. Sex sells. Heck, even hair shampoo has to give you an orgasm these days — clean hair just isn't enough anymore. Today's video infomercial music industry indicates that packaging is more important than it ever has been and musical content may just be incidental.

Horny and confused teenagers searching for an identity have always been the biggest record buyers. It's no coincidence that record companies prefer sexy candy wrappers for the job of selling product, or "music" as some historians may still refer to it as. Video killed the mystery and imagination that records demanded of us. Today, musicians have to not only be good short film directors too, but also somebody that product buyers will lust after. The game is that buyers either "want" you, or "want to be" you. Music? What's that?

I don't have the cleavage for platinum sales — though I could buy it for about $4000, any size. I don't have long blonde hair, big pouty lips and a pierced bellybutton surrounded by smooth young flesh. That's a good thing though because, for one thing — I'm a man. Secondly, I'm not a candy bar; I'm making soul food, not junk food or some fat-free snacks for the kids. I'm still hoping to get by on talent, personality and a public demand for what I have to offer. The multiple orgasms will be purely coincidental.

Fortunately the aging demographic of musicians like Keith Richards, Phil Collins, Peter Gabriel and Aerosmith make me look like fresh young meat, relatively speaking. They also prove that there's still a market for seasoned creativity and musical skill, not just cleavage — though I've noticed Keith Richards with a little too much up top these days. Could be my imagination. You're still buying the identity, but at least it's not all tits and ass.

That buyers want to "identify" with performers was driven home when I saw the Barenaked Ladies on an HBO special playing for their audience: almost everybody there looked like — you guessed it — The Barenaked Ladies guys themselves. I witnessed who comes out when you sing about Star Trek, Ottomans and Chinese Chicken. I now wonder who my audience will be? What do THEY look like? And would a large gathering of "us" be considered a threat to the social order? We'll see.

Proof Of Life During Life

My father mentioned seeing a Rabbi talking on TV about Jewish "hell" being the regret you live with after death for not having become all you could be; for not taking the risks, or having the courage to follow your dreams. Hell is disappointment — I can dig it.

Like most agnostics, my father's big on the "when you're dead you're dead!" theory of life after death, which sounds a little far-fetched, because he has no proof. One thing's for sure though, a good many of us think too much about our "afterlife" when we should be focussing upon the life we are currently in the course of living. What proof do we have of our current existence? And what does an afterlife matter if we're preserving a lack of courage or the drive to follow our dreams?

It reminds me of one of my reality checks:

"If you could live forever, what reason do you have for wanting to?"

(Experience a daily new reality check at www.realitycheckers.com)

I'm big on proving my own existence to myself — that I'm here, now, damn it! and that I'm doing my earthly duty of educating my soul. That perspective makes other, lesser concerns like fashion and fine dining seem like pointless distractions. I've had this attitude longer than the knowledge of what future I was preserving with it. Now, with my increased awareness of my duties to evolve my soul, my attitude has only intensified. As for the age issue, I'm on track, and right on time. I couldn't have done it any sooner. Not even two years ago. Only at this very place in time. My last step, leaving the band, prepared the ground for me to start recording full time. There have been many footsteps that led to this moment.

As for the nature of my music, if I had to pinpoint its purpose I would say it is there to help remind others that they, too, have soul missions to fulfill. It's not cleavage, but it might just be enough to get some airplay. We'll see.

I don't know when this album will be done, but based on current results, I will be happy with the final outcome, that much I know. Just to finish something is the hardest part of all — ask any dreamer. Today that promised land which I strode toward step by step over countless years of financial deserts and emotional wilderness is finally coming into focus on the horizon.

And I've brought my travel stories with me.

I Like To Laugh — I Like To Be A Clown

And if you like laughing: 



1) go to http://www.people.cornell.edu/pages/dah18/america/

2) Furthermore, when I check my "hits" to my website — which currently
only contains my newsletter archive — I also see what people have
entered into the search engines like Yahoo or Google to get there. Here
are a few examples:


"signs of a girl that wants a kiss from a guy"

"MY ROOF IS LEAKING AND IT HAS A 5 YEAR WARRANTY"

"Laughlin Hookers"

"abba 70's fashion"

"goatie styles"

"surfing naked women"

"Roland Kriewaldt"

"performing on a sinking ship"

"my new tits"

"pictures of slaves during the 1800's"

"fear of losing inhibits"

"Leaking roof screensaver"

[Boy, I wish I could see some of these people!!! R.K.]

TIS THE SEASON TO KILL EVERGREENS AND EAT DEAD BIRDS!

All the best to you, and wishing you happiness in whatever tradition you want to celebrate the spirit of love, community and generosity (and perhaps next year: buying albums by mature artists with unremarkable cleavage?)

Ho, ho, ho — wait, there could be a song in that!

Roland Kriewaldt


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