Home At Last!

Edition #36 — Sat, 21 Sep 2002

Wow, the first "home" based newsletter in a year and a half — oh, hello there; just reflecting upon the present. There's been so much activity in the past 3 weeks since I returned home, so I'll give you a quick synopsis.

The gig at "Cactus Pete's" in Scarborough went well. For Saturday night the estimate was that a thousand people were present. Twenty five of that throng were from our own camps, parents, friends and acquaintances we'd invited. Rick, the lead singer, had a cold, unfortunately, so we were a little below par for what I expect of our live performances. Still good though.

My parents videotaped us — nice sound, good picture; glad I have something of my last gig. Everyone's family was represented there; a nice feature of doing that gig. Still, no one shed tears as we parted; everyone was happy to just get the hell off the road and spend some time being a civilian for a change.

I bought Jim, our drummer, a copy of Neil Peart's new book, Ghost Rider as a parting gesture. He's a Rush freak and the book is Neil's journal during a 55,000 mile road trip to heal his spirit after the death of his daughter and wife back in 1997. Reading it I also had some closure on why Geddy Lee was so crabby towards me, a stranger, when I approached him once in public during that year just to say "hi". Great book, I recommend it.

I'm Baaaaaaaack!!! (In The Saddle Again).

It feels good to not have the ground moving beneath me anymore (or for the meantime...) I can jump back and forth between my creative endeavours at any time of day without having to worry about interruptions. As such, I've been writing/arranging/recording songs that I intend to launch commercially in the future. I sometimes work backwards — the album cover and liner notes were started years ago. songs? Yeah, uh, I'll probably include some of those, too.

I guess I'm finally ready to deal with my "inner critic" (that prick!) and do an album of Roland songs. It takes time though because I'm doing everything myself, from lead and backup vocals to the guitars, bass, drums, keyboards and anything else my whim sees fit to include in the fray. So far the songs are sounding exactly as I've heard them in my head so my confidence is very high.

I've always had a love/hate relationship with my music. My songs have so much potential but the process of mining, cutting and polishing the rough stones of my creativity was so tedious and emotionally draining that I never got to see them sparkle in their final setting. Part of it is a commitment problem, the other is just maturity and focus. Fear's probably included in there as well since I always expected my future to be riding on the success of my musical expression. That's not such a big deal anymore cause I'm happy either way.

Releasing my album will be a big milestone for me however, even if I sells only two copies. It's finishing what you started that really matters — there is no failure in following through. This time, it's personal! No more excuses.

Books? Oh Yeah, heh heh — The Books!

I've also made headway with my new version of Reality Check, which will be a much bigger book next time out. Book writing and songwriting for me is like cutting a path through a forest with a machete, coming upon a huge swamp, walking for days, weeks, months, years, and finally finding a good passage across so I can continue the journey. I always imagine a clearing ahead, a final, perfect destination. That's what keeps me going. That and a good cup of tea.

This past week was a busy one for me. Among other things, I opened two ecommerce accounts which will allow me to sell books and services from my website via credit and debit cards. Again, this is just a start - another bridge across another swamp. A new website design is under way, but there is only one of me, so it's gonna take a while to put it all together and sneak it past my "inner critic". Still, it's a clearing in the distance that's definitely within reach. So I'm reaching.

"Oh Yeah! Well...So What! You're Drunk!!!"

One of my oldest, dearest friends came out to see me play. He loved the band. We spoke later in the evening, by which time he'd had a few too many drinks, but he made some very lucid statements about my newsletter. He told me that he felt it sort of "went downhill" for him once I joined the band and started writing travel logs. He told me he liked the old Roland who tackled topics like female circumcision and all manner of social ills and atrocities, not these watered down tourism reports of the last 18 months. The newsletter, these days, doesn't have the same bite as those first daring writings of yore.

I agree. Yet there are many who expressed interest in my travels since the realitycheckers mailing list also includes friends of mine who want to keep up with the latest.

I did, however, always put something of substance in each newsletter. It's usually a vicarious tidbit: something that talks about me in a way that you can see yourself in it and perhaps learn from; like this month's newsletter describing my struggle to finish what I started, and the patience and endurance I must exercise in order to see my goals through to the end...and to reach the clearing.

My readership has generally expressed it's gratitude for the content of my monthly newsletter because it's both personal and insightful.

But I promise you that my life is geared around kicking some serious cultural ass when it comes my time to rant. Anybody who has read Reality Check knows that you don't write questions like that from watching TV all your life, or from talking in abstractions. In terms of output, there's far more ahead of me than behind. There is much to be done.

So don't worry (Rob!) nothings changed. It's all simmering nicely while I prepare the salad for the big banquet. Gotta start off with appetizers though. It's how we feast.

Thank you all for being there. And thank God I'm home again to begin the next chapter in my life.

Until next time, only the best,

Roland Kriewaldt


Subscribe to free newsletter
Search Realitycheckers.com