I'm 50 (And I Like It!)

Edition #151 — January 9, 2012

I turned forty in Texas while on tour with my friend, Rick Spyder. We were playing on an offshore gambling ship with a crew from around the world and I thought it an interesting way to celebrate the start of my 5th decade of life. In a few months I will be turning fifty and while it will probably be under less exotic circumstances, I feel happy for its arrival, or at least content with my age.

Unlike many people, I would not want to do that clichéd return trip to my youth to "do it all over again, knowing what I know now." There is only one way to enjoy life and that is to accumulate experiences and my treasure chest is overflowing with them. I have no regrets about opportunities that I failed to take because I took most of them and made the best of what I could with the tools and insight available to me at the time. In hindsight I can say that I could have made some wiser decisions, but it was my mistakes that taught me how and why to avoid them again in the future. And while I have yet to master the technique of not repeating some mistakes, at least I know that I have a choice in the matter.

I do regret giving two clients the opportunity to cheat me last year. And while it bothered me, I better accept such treatment at fifty. For me, the episode lasted only a few days while the perpetrators must live with the consequences of their unethical behavior unless they decide one day, as I once did, to be a more honest and honorable person. Unlike one's sexual orientation, that is something we can choose and I'm glad I made that choice so I can walk past familiar people and not feel the urge to look down at the pavement in embarrassment. And while I may not be at peace with everyone in the world, at least I am at peace within myself.

The Quality of Life

After five decades of existence I also find myself caring about more things than ever before, whether it be people, animals or the state of our world. Where once I was young and destructively selfish, today I find myself almost entirely opposite. I've rid myself of many negative traits but retained my individuality and optimism. I also find that I now care more about quality and excellence, which is ironic as the present world standard seems to demand we care less about them so that we can buy more poor quality items at lower prices.

It's not how I want to live, but it does reflect a common mindset in people who have stopped caring and hope just to make it through the day. It's a shame because quality and excellence are valuable assets in making life more worthwhile, not the few dollars we save buying slave labor items that lasts mere days or months before falling apart. I care about that and maybe you do as well, but those who profit from an inferior world seem unconcerned that we are hoisting the worst to the highest place of honor.

Shedding A Few Tears

It's ironic that I feel as well as I do, given that the last two years have been the worst in my life, as I have stated before. In 2010 it was the emotional upheaval of watching my favorite US vacationing state being decimated by the BP Oil spill and later witnessing helplessly the slow death of my beloved cat, Lucky. As for 2011, most of it was mired by my subsequent grief. And yet, after all the mental anguish and turmoil, I find myself feeling not only stronger spiritually but also wiser than ever before. The last two years have especially lifted my mental fog and cleared my sights in preparation for the future.

It is largely because of this increase in clarity and wisdom that I do not envy youth, nor do I wish to relive my past, even with my dice loaded against those who wouldn't see me coming. It may be tempting to some, but to me it seems a distraction from looking ahead to the great adventures still waiting to unfold.

I hope that you are also enjoying your life's accumulation of wisdom and not losing time to regret or clinging to what might have been. Sure, I would prefer to have my luxurious rock star hair returned to me, but thankfully I didn't lose the mind beneath it, which seems to be growing better than ever.

Peace to you in 2012. And note: the world is NOT ending because we are only at the beginning. Pass it on.

All the best,

Roland Kriewaldt


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