Lucky, My Beloved Cat And Faithful Friend, Has Passed Away.

Edition #139 — December 28, 2010

It is with great sadness that I must share the news of Lucky's passing yesterday morning, December 27, at 11:15 am. It was a tragic, painful and long process to watch because it was late at night when I realized that she was moving toward death. My vet was not available, let alone at that time of night and I also made an "ethical" decision that she had spent FAR TOO MUCH TIME being in places that scared her, surrounded by people that didn't know her and being violated and poked and nauseated by all manner of medical treatments.

Oh God, how I hoped for her recovery. But after three recoveries from the brink of death, Lucky could not afford to have a bad day and she had a couple. She was not wanting to eat and the vet just told me to let her rest and come around at her own pace. I knew better. All I saw was a cat not eating who couldn't afford to go without the calories, nutrition and water content that eating wet food offered her. And so she began to perish. She went back to the vet for subcutaneous fluids and an appetizer pill (didn't work) and back home to continue her slide.

On Friday I started force feeding her food - I was scared to do this for fear of giving her aspiration pneumonia again. But my choice was that, or death. Lucky puked once a day but not every time I fed her. This gave me the hope that I might get her body to absorb enough to keep up her strength a little. But she continued to lose weight and then, on Sunday morning, I noticed that she was no longer willing to drink. Now I had to get food, two different pills and fluids into her without causing an already nauseous and sick cat not to puke.

My plan was working well until 10:00pm Sunday night when I returned after a few minutes departure to find her squirming at the door in a pool of vomit. It was such a pathetic and tragic sight that it just made my soul ache. That was also when I knew that we had lost and that I had to now stop helping her live and start helping her to die. I had to prepare to lose her and hoped that her death would only last a couple of hours. I live far from any 24 hour veterinary service and again, I didn't want to go through this in some clinical death camp setting surrounded by strangers who make money from putting animals (and owners) out of their misery.

What followed was gut wrenching and painful to watch. But never did I leave her side and barely did my eyes leave hers. Painful to see also was that she rarely blinked anymore, due to the dehydration. But even in this weak, emaciated state, after three knocks already at death's door, she clung to life like a warrior despite my pleas for her to leave me. This was not how I expected my year to end, watching the most precious gift to my life being torn away from my desperate hands by forces beyond my control. I called the vet at 9:00 am. No answer. No euthanasia. Back to watching Lucky die.

Lucky took her last breath at 11:15 am. I also couldn't feel or hear her heart beating anymore when I pressed my head to her chest. Although the process of watching her die tore me apart, I was in a somewhat elevated mood. I trust that there will be a time when I see her again. I also know that she was well loved and died only after I had exhausted every last possible measure to keep her alive. Also, perhaps in knowing that there was going to be an end to her suffering, there was a feeling of resolution after weeks of futility and mystery.

In revisiting my journal notes, I had written that WHATEVER she had, beginning back on December 4, had already left her limp and rag-like by the next day, December 5, when we rushed her to an emergency clinic fearing for her life. No one knows what caused her to suddenly stop eating and go into physical decline like that. The doctor has ruled out poison because there were no signs of it in her blood. Everything since then seems to be more a product of her treatment and not the illness itself. Or so it would seem.

Today I brought her body to the vet. He offered to do a free necropsy (an autopsy) in order to determine if there was some underlying cause. After all, he had also struggled 3 times to bring her back to life and yet the issue of her not eating always seemed to return and defeat his efforts, even as I continued to offer her the same special recovery food and kibble the vet was feeding her and building up her strength with. She had us fooled and last Monday she was wolfing down food like nothing was wrong. But obviously there was. They will be taking tissue samples of all her major organs on Thursday and hopefully there will be some clue as to why she ultimately seemed destined to die at the tender age of six, despite her strong, athletic body and my desperate and full time efforts to sustain her. I was so devoted to her from the beginning and always changed her food bowls constantly throughout the day so she would never have to stare at a batch of old food. I fed her the best food that my research had led me to and she pooped in the best litter money can buy.

I loved her so much. It is difficult to express that in any way other than through my actions. And between me, her and whatever God we shared between us, there is no question that she and I were destined to be together for this part of our journey through life. I have learned many things in rescuing her as a stray six years ago, nursing her through various ills (infected cat bite and a run-in with a skunk) and I continued to learn from her, even in her dying.

I will heal. But there is nothing so valuable as the time that I've had the privilege of sharing with my little Lucky.

Thank you to those who took the time to wish for Lucky's recovery. And thank you for letting me share this experience with you.



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