Normal - What's That?

Edition #117 — April 9, 2009

Yesterday a newspaper ad caught my attention. It was for an online dating service that posed the question: "Where are all the normal men?" Well, don't bother looking here. I don't even know what normal means anymore.

I think normal people aren't looking for love by hanging out with their computer. They're probably going about it the "normal" way by being out in public and hoping to meet someone through normal channels such as friends or the workplace. And if they're really lucky, then they'll find love through an arranged marriage where they don't even get to meet the other person until they're already saying "I do!"

Granted, perhaps that last option doesn't seem normal for North America. After all, every man should know if his future wife has a fuller beard than he does. Still, such hookups are common in many countries. It's also considered normal for parents in arranged marriages to decide who will marry whom based upon what's in their own best interests, not those of the bride and groom. So "normal" seems to have many faces and all depend upon who is doing the judging. Fascinating, do tell me more...

Looking For Miss Normal

In my early 30's I'd stopped living out of my suitcase as a musician, rented an apartment and bought some nice furniture. This wasn't "normal" behaviour for me, but I thought I'd give normal a try. Behind me were two long term relationships, ahead my future and the freedom to begin a new chapter in my life.

I had five years worth of monogamy to make up for but I never returned to my old ways. AIDS was a predominant media theme and I grew cautious. It was bad timing, historically speaking. Fortunately, I'd had enough carnal amusement over the years so that I didn't feel lacking. My preference was to find someone with whom I could fall in love.

During that time I had a few close encounters of the naked kind. They kept me amused but I never did find the perfect match for me. And when I thought I had, it wasn't meant to be. I once also tried a phone dating service but found that I only got replies from flippant partyers whose lives seemed aimless and in disarray. Normal was not how I would describe them. I hung up on that idea after a couple of weeks.

Eventually I just cashed in my dating chips because the longer I endured my own solitude, the more I began to embrace and appreciate it. Soon I realized how much there was to be gained from writing my own permission slips when I wanted to go somewhere by myself. I also did not have to partition my life or my thoughts to please someone else — "No, I swear I was only looking at her because of her bad skin and funny walk. Honest." And once I began to focus on writing and making music again, it seemed obvious that I could do only one thing well at a time, and being someone's other half didn't seem that important anymore.

I've had the benefit of watching friends get married and enter into lifestyles which would make me cringe. Not because they're so loving, secure and emotionally beneficial, but only because they're so repetitious and predictable. That's may not be a bad thing for them but for me, it's not normal. And I'm happy with that.

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Until next time, be good and keep smiling. And don't forget to protect the oceans of the world. they need us right now. Stop using plastic bags unless they biodegrade, and learn about the poisons in your food chain. Otherwise, the dating game will soon be over for all of us...


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