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An Octopus's Garden Edition #108 — July 18, 2008 I'd like to be under the sea These lyrics to an old Beatles song awoke me from my sleep this morning. It's not a familiar song, but as usual, my subconscious messenger service was in perfect tune with my spiritual longings. I do feel a need to travel and rejuvenate, perhaps even recreate myself. And I do love the ocean... Ringo Starr well captured the sense of feeling overwhelmed and hoping to find happiness far from the confusion of everyday life: Culture Shlock I've always sensed that something was missing in our world. And in visiting Brazil I found poor people enjoying themselves far more than anyone I'd known in better circumstances. And when I walked into a Canadian clothing store with a friend and found posters of Paris Hilton on every wall, I realized how alienated I'd become from the North American view of happiness — as many others have as well. What are we telling ourselves and our kids? Don't we get it? If rich and famous people are busted all the time for drugs and other self-destructive conduct despite their stellar achievements, then joy must be even more important than having fortune or fame. And if it were as simple as having a roof over our heads and food in our bellies, then most of us should be ecstatic by now, right? No, we're not. Many of us are worn out and tired; stretched to the limit of our tolerance and seemingly further from happiness for heading in the direction we were told. Have you looked lately? It's nuts out there. But then again, who's in charge of this madness? Home Is Wherever I Am Many such revelations later I now find it difficult to exist in an environment where people pretend that paradise is just one purchase away, and that true joy is an illusion just because they have been looking for it in the wrong direction. Much has been lost in today's mad dash for status and security. Little that I have purchased is of good quality or works as it should. Rather than focussing upon the business of joy, I find myself worrying about toxins from plastic containers and tin cans that leech into my food. And great urban centers of opportunity such as Toronto are warning us to stay indoors when we should be outside enjoying some clean, fresh air. I know what's good for me, and it's none of the above. I believe that joy is the product of my inner being, but I'm tired of fighting the dark elements of apathy and discontent while attempting to achieve my personal best. I know there must be a better way to live, at least for me, and I won't settle for Hell just because it's closer. The Blame Game In today's world I continue to risk looking "faulty" in order to remain true to myself. There are many humourless normal people who resent my feeling good when they don't, or who see that I'm satisfied with less when they're looking for more. Some grouch even asked me once: "Roland, why are you always smiling?" — as though it were a defect. Poor him. Perhaps my biggest lesson in life has been my failed attempt to ungrouch my own family [disengrouch?]. I've also come to realize that anger can work like a drug that some need as much as I need my joy. Perhaps the fear of change makes them angry and focussing upon external conflicts helps them avoid dealing with the inner ones. Sometimes people hate us for being a witness to their failure. And other times a person's life makes no sense until they tell us their darkest fears and secrets. But they never will. And long before the truth comes out, they'll tell us to go away. My life has been a series of ugly departures. And yet, never have I seen anyone happy afterward, for their unspoken truth remains, as does the true cause of their inner turmoil. Someone once wrote, "Wherever you go, there you are!" That goes for me, too. I can run but I can't hide from my own challenges or my need to evolve into Roland, Mach III. However, that doesn't mean that I have to do it under someone else's cloud. Finding The Octopus We are not at odds with one another. The hard work begins when we realize that we are the task at hand — that we are the lifelong project to complete and sometimes how we live is an outward sign of our inner attitude toward spiritual completion. So rather than pointing my finger, I'll change my approach. I have banged my head against the wall for the last time. That smile on my face is there for a reason. I'm not willing to fake it. Neither do I want anyone to think that I am the path to their happiness or an impediment to it. One familiar theme continues to follow me wherever I go, and soon I will turn to face it. Ultimately we are all captains of our own ship. We get advice where we can and refuse it whenever it doesn't suit our plan. I do the same with my life. Which makes me realize that I do have a blueprint from which I am stubborn to disembark. But perhaps rather than assimilating myself where I don't belong, I will simply keep sailing until I find a port where the emotional storms are few and the smiles are long, deep and sincere. And perhaps, too, the air will carry a hint of salt. I feel my Gypsy soul is stirring again. And it stands to reason that Columbus or any other explorer would never have left port if they had been enjoying their own current surroundings at the time. People like me, we float around now and then. One friend is now in India for the second time, another has gone to Germany. A third friend has returned, settled for a while and is dreaming of moving on again. I've always admired risk takers of joy, and I need to remind myself that I'm one, too. I feel the pull of destiny upon my soul and of work to be done elsewhere. Another chapter of my life is beckoning to be written. Perhaps this one will have an Octopus in it. I know that soon I will be leaving for some strange new lands, yet my concerns are many, but primarily for my one true love. And if I should ever succumb to some unexpected demise, the person who comes too late to my aid will also find a note that contains my address, a picture of my loved one, and the words: (Octopus' Garden - 1969 - by Richard Starkey aka Ringo Starr) Subscribe to free newsletter
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